Subconscious signs of attraction like eye contact and body language can be ambiguous, but if you obsessively analyze or fixate on them, it may indicate relationship OCD (ROCD).
Eye contact, posture, body language, and facial expressions—these can all be signs of attraction you make when you’re interested in someone. These subtle, non-verbal cues can feel like powerful indicators of our emotions, even when we aren’t consciously aware of them. It’s easy to assume that these signals reveal our true feelings, or the feelings of others, in ways that words may not.
However, if you find yourself constantly questioning whether you’re showing signs of attraction to others, or if you’re fixated on how your behavior might be interpreted, it could be a sign of relationship OCD (ROCD).
ROCD is a subtype of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) that can cause people to become preoccupied with doubts about their relationships or attractions. You may repeatedly question whether you truly love your partner, whether you’re attracted to someone else, or even if you’re displaying the right signs of attraction in your relationship.
So, are signs of attraction reliable indicators of interest? And what do you do if signs of attraction are connected to ROCD? Let’s break it down.
What are signs of attraction?
People often use non-verbal signals to convey physical or romantic attraction, including eye contact, posture, body language, mirroring behaviors, tone of voice, and physical contact. These subtle cues can help indicate interest, but they can also be easily misinterpreted.
Eye-contact
Although maintaining eye-contact can play a role in how attracted we feel to someone, this is not always the case.
Eye contact creates a sense of connection and trust, triggering emotional responses that can strengthen attraction. However, it’s important to note that the meaning behind eye contact can vary depending on the context and the people involved. For some, prolonged eye contact may signal interest, while for others, it may simply reflect active listening or attentiveness.
Posture and body language
People often make quick judgments about others based on limited information, and one of the first things assessed is posture and body language. Posture can play a key role in how someone is perceived, as it can convey both attraction and confidence.
However, it’s possible to misinterpret non-verbal body language. While certain gestures, like leaning in, are often associated with attraction, these cues can sometimes be ambiguous or influenced by other factors.
Mirroring behavior
People can subconsciously mimic body language, facial expressions, and speech patterns. Mirroring can happen when someone is flirting, but it can also happen in non-romantic social situations between friends or during job interviews.
Tone of voice
You might take note of how someone engages in conversation, particularly how they respond to you. Do they sound enthusiastic or genuinely interested in what you’re saying?
A tone that is eager and responsive can signal interest, but it’s important to remember that this doesn’t always mean someone is attracted to you. They may simply be being polite, friendly, or engaged in the conversation without any romantic or emotional intent. So, while these signs can provide clues, they don’t always indicate attraction.
Physical contact
Touch is one of the primary ways people communicate intimacy in romantic relationships. Physical contact, whether it’s a gentle touch on the arm, holding hands, or an affectionate hug, helps build connection and trust between partners.
However, it’s important to note that the way physical contact is interpreted can vary greatly from person to person. Some individuals may have a negative response to touch, especially if they’re not familiar with the person touching them or if they’ve had past experiences that made them feel uncomfortable.
What is relationship OCD (ROCD)?
If you find yourself repeatedly fixating on signs of attraction—either ones that you give or ones that you get—it could be an indicator of ROCD.
“People with ROCD want to be reassured that their partner is attracted to them, or they are attracted to the partner, or their partner is right for them. They fear that they might be wasting their time, or fear that there is someone better out there,” says NOCD therapist MaryBeth Overstreet, MA, LPC.
Additionally, OCD can cause “false attraction,” where you may experience intrusive thoughts or doubts that you’re attracted to someone, even when there is no real emotional or romantic interest. Generally, it’s normal to have doubts in your relationship from time to time.
However, feeling attracted to others doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner, aren’t attracted to them, or don’t want to be in the relationship. These signs also don’t mean you’re cheating on your partner or questioning your sexuality. Subconscious signs of attraction, like fleeting thoughts or non-verbal cues, can often mean nothing at all.
“As humans we all feel some sort of attraction to something, but when you have OCD it can cause unrealistic expectations about attraction,” says Overstreet. “Many individuals with OCD can create issues in their relationships because they will confess their intrusive thoughts to their partner. This becomes problematic because often the partner may be hurt or angry and this causes the individual who has OCD to become extremely distressed and feel guilty.”
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ROCD obsessions
ROCD is characterized by obsessions, which are recurrent intrusive thoughts, images, feelings, sensations, or urges about relationships or attraction, which may lead you to obsessively analyze behaviors and gestures for signs of romantic interest.
Obsessions may look like:
- Worrying that your behavior (such as a smile, glance, or friendly gesture) might be interpreted as romantic interest by someone else.
- Doubting whether you are truly in love with your partner, even when there’s no logical reason for it.
- Doubting whether your partner is truly in love with you due to a lack of signs or behaviors.
- Overanalyzing every interaction to determine whether you’ve done something that might suggest attraction to someone who isn’t your partner.
- Believing that subconscious signs of attraction—like laughing at someone’s jokes or making eye contact—are proof that you’re cheating.
- Feeling guilt or anxiety over harmless interactions with others, such as talking to a colleague or making small talk with a stranger, and fearing it means something more.
ROCD compulsions
In response to these obsessions, you may perform compulsions, which are repetitive behaviors or mental acts, such as overanalyzing interactions or seeking reassurance. These compulsions are often an attempt to make sense of perceived signs of attraction or doubt. This constant focus on non-verbal cues can lead to unnecessary anxiety, especially if you’re overanalyzing your actions or the behavior of others.
Compulsions may look like:
- Asking other people if a behavior you displayed was a sign of attraction.
- Constantly checking for signs that you might be emotionally or physically attracted to someone, even if there’s no evidence to support it.
- Searching for signs in your partner’s behavior to confirm they’re still attracted to you.
- Constantly checking social media or text messages to see if you’ve said or done something that could be misinterpreted as flirtation.
- Googling or researching signs of attraction or relationship anxiety to validate your feelings.
These compulsions can temporarily reduce anxiety, but they ultimately reinforce the cycle of OCD.
The best treatment for ROCD
Constantly questioning whether you’re attracted to someone, if they are attracted to you, or if you’re potentially showing signs of attraction can be tiresome and anxiety-inducing.
Exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy is the most effective form of treatment for any subtype of OCD, including ROCD. In ERP, you’ll work with a trained specialist to confront your triggers, while resisting the urge to do compulsions as a response to anxiety or distress. The goal is not to immediately dismiss intrusive thoughts, but to allow yourself to sit with the discomfort they bring.
ERP exercises may look like sitting with your “what if?” thoughts, including “What if I accidentally sent the wrong signs of attraction to someone?” or “What if these signs mean something more, like I’m cheating on my partner?” In response to these obsessions, you’ll practice resisting the compulsion to seek reassurance, overanalyze, or check for confirmation.
You may also work on embracing uncertainty. For example, you’ll sit with the possibility that you don’t have a clear answer to whether your subconscious behaviors mean anything significant. This could include the uncertainty about whether certain behaviors—like a glance, a smile, or even a moment of flirtation—are truly indicative of attraction, or if they are just part of normal social interaction. Over time, you’ll gain the confidence to handle these intrusive thoughts and triggers long-term as they become less distressing.
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Key Takeaways
- Signs of attraction, such as eye contact, posture, body language, mirroring behaviors, tone of voice, and physical contact, can indicate romantic interest, but they are not always reliable indicators of attraction.
- Relationship OCD (ROCD) can make you fixate on signs of attraction. As a result, you may develop compulsions—repetitive behaviors or mental rituals—aimed at reducing the anxiety caused by these obsessions.
- Exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy is the most effective treatment option for ROCD.