Sharing an apartment with people is rarely a Friends-like living situation where everyone effortlessly gets along, has hilarious adventures, and meets out daily for coffee. In reality, living with roommates—no matter how long you’ve known them—can be challenging, especially when you add OCD into the mix.
We asked a few NOCD Therapists for their advice on how to talk to your roommates about OCD and set healthy boundaries—all while creating open, supportive conversations.
1. Share on your own terms
Depending on how close you are to your roommates, you can share as much or as little as you’re comfortable with. You might choose to keep things general, explaining that you have OCD and how it can sometimes impact your day-to-day life, without going into specifics. Or, if you’re ready, you can share more details about the obsessions and compulsions you experience.
“It’s important to remember that sharing is optional,” says licensed therapist Tracie Ibrahim, MA, LMFT, CST. “Mental health is a private matter and not everyone is supportive. So if you choose to share, it’s important to share with people who you feel will be supportive.”
If you’re unsure how your roommates will respond, it’s okay to take your time. You don’t have to immediately open up, especially if you’re still getting to know them. Feeling out the relationship can help you gauge what to share with them and when.
2. Create a good vibe for the conversation
You can start by asking your roommates if you can cook a nice dinner for them at home. It’s important to be in a warm and inviting space, where you feel safe to talk openly and where they feel comfortable asking questions or sharing their thoughts.
“I encourage members to have a natural conversation with their roommates and to avoid second-guessing themselves or holding back what they want to say because they’re afraid of being judged,” says licensed therapist Marybeth Overstreet, MA, LPC.
3. Come prepared with information
“Oftentimes, it’s easier to share a good article about OCD with your roommates and either read it together, or offer to answer questions that they may have after reading it on their own,” Ibrahim says.
You can talk to your roommates about what OCD is by texting them a well-written article you found or maybe even include a funny—but accurate—TikTok video from one of your favorite creators.
This video of Jake Shane talking about his OCD to his close friend is a helpful example to share with people who don’t know much about the condition.
We understand that it requires courage to share something deeply personal, especially when mental health conditions tend to be misunderstood and stigmatized. You might expect questions like, “But isn’t OCD just about being clean?” or “Do you have to do everything in a specific order?” These questions can be well-intentioned, given the way OCD is often portrayed in the media, which tends to focus on cleanliness and orderliness. You will help yourself and all your roommates if you can share the ways in which OCD truly affects you.
4. Set boundaries–together
Setting boundaries works both ways. Meaning that you probably have some expectations for your roommates, just as they may have expectations for you.
For example, you might need quiet time set aside every day to manage your OCD symptoms, especially during moments of high anxiety. This can look like asking your roommates, “After 9 p.m., can we keep the noise level down or avoid loud activities? It really helps me unwind and manage my stress.” Setting clear expectations like this can help you create the environment you need–and encourage your roommates to speak up about their needs too.
Overstreet recommends making boundary setting a two-way conversation. “It’s important that your roommates feel comfortable as well. You could ask them how they feel and if there’s anything you can do to make the living situation better for everyone.”
5. Explain how to be supportive, but not accommodating
“Avoid asking roommates to accommodate your OCD because that makes OCD symptoms worse,” says Ibrahim.
For example, if one of your compulsions is to ask for reassurance constantly, like asking your roommate if they think that your boyfriend really likes you, it’s important to recognize that while your roommates can offer comfort—they shouldn’t give you reassurance. An ideal response from your roommate could sound like this: “I want to be supportive, but I can’t give you that reassurance because it reinforces the compulsion. I can remind you that you’re working on better managing these thoughts, and that I’m here for you.”
Sometimes roommates don’t know what you need unless you tell them. Be specific about what kind of responses you need to keep your OCD from getting out of control.
6. Encourage ongoing communication
Talking to your roommates about OCD shouldn’t be a one-and-done conversation. Ideally, it can be an ongoing discussion as things come up. You might find that certain situations trigger your OCD more than others, or new challenges arise as you live together. It’s okay to revisit the topic when needed, and keep the lines of communication open.
“If you find that your boundaries have changed or you need to re-emphasize something, you can have another conversation asking for more support,” says Ibrahim.
Opening up about your experience with OCD can be a vulnerable thing to do. If you’re ready to open up, it can also be a powerful step towards creating a supportive and understanding environment with those around you.
“It can be challenging when we don’t feel heard or seen because the symptoms we experience with OCD are not visible and fear of judgment might keep us silent,” Overstreet. “That’s why it can make all the difference when someone shares their experiences with roommates and receives that support.”
Here’s a list of our most highly searched articles about OCD for you to have on-hand:
A Comprehensive Guide to OCD Symptoms