Holiday stress: 6 ways to deal with your family’s differing political views 

For many of us, the holidays bring more stress than cheer. While the season is often painted as a time of joy and togetherness, it can also highlight tensions—especially when differing political views come into play.

In a perfect world, family gatherings would be filled with mutual respect and open-minded conversations. In reality, it’s common to encounter big opinions, and even bigger arguments. Between the stress of travel, cooking for large groups, and organizing big events, it’s no wonder tensions tend to run high. 

If this time of year often leaves you feeling anxious, you’re not alone. Navigating political differences with family can be tough, but these conflicts don’t have to ruin what should otherwise be a festive season. Let’s take a step back and explore some therapist-approved tips to help you approach this time with a healthier mindset—and maybe even find some peace and understanding in the process.

6 tips for handling conflicting political views during the holidays  

1. Set realistic expectations

“Having high or possibly unrealistic expectations about family/friend engagements can lead to disappointment, anger, frustration, and reinforce trauma reactions,” says Kathy Ryan, M.A., LMHC, someone who has had first-hand experience with loved ones who didn’t align with her views politically. Adjusting your expectations can make it easier to approach the situation with patience and compassion—for yourself and others.

Set aside some time before your holiday gatherings to get clear on your goals. While it’s natural to want to feel completely understood by your family, it may not be realistic to expect that everyone around the holiday dinner table will share your views. In other words: You can’t control how our family members think or behave, but you can focus on your own reactions and boundaries. 

Remind yourself that differing opinions don’t have to reflect a lack of care or love, even if they’re difficult to understand. “If something goes awry, I can intervene and redirect with kindness,” says Ryan. Leading with kindness doesn’t mean you have to agree, or even engage with family members you disagree with. But, it can help ensure you don’t say things you’ll regret, and that you don’t waste energy on opinions that are unlikely to change. 

2. Set boundaries with family members ahead of time

If you have relatives who push your buttons, setting boundaries ahead of time can make a big difference. Consider reaching out to family members in advance to express that you’d like to steer clear of sensitive topics during your upcoming time together. “It’s okay to let them know that, respectfully, politics are off-topic for you this holiday season,” says Alyssa Lentz, licensed therapist, MS, LPC.

That said, some people may not listen to your boundaries. “Sometimes, parents or loved ones won’t respect boundaries…no matter how many times you tell them you’re not interested in the conversation,” says Alessandra Rizzotti, MSW, LCSW. In these cases, standing up for yourself is key. Lentz reminds us that just because someone is your relative, doesn’t mean you have to excuse their behavior: “You can stand your ground.” 

Let your relatives know as calmly as possible that you’d prefer not to discuss politics. If your family members still ignore your request, it’s okay to take a break from the discussion entirely.

3. Find an ally

Connecting with someone who shares your views can make a big difference during tense family arguments, even if you’re in the minority. Having someone who understands can help you feel less alone. It can also make it easier to walk away from a conversation, because you know at least one person will understand what you’re doing.

Ryan shares how she uses this approach during the holidays: “I find an ally (my husband, a sister-in-law, one of my adult kids, etc.) to…vent with.” Venting (in moderation) can be helpful during moments of stress as a way to validate your fears and worries, and provide an antidote for bottling up negative emotions.

Whether it’s debriefing after the fact, or exchanging a meaningful glance during difficult conversations, having someone who gets it can help. 

4. Take a pause

The holidays can be emotionally intense, and it’s okay to step away when things feel overwhelming. “When feeling anxious or on edge, it’s important to give yourself permission to take breaks from the family dynamics,” says Lentz. Taking breaks isn’t about avoiding your family or important political issues; it’s about creating space to regulate your emotions so you can return feeling calmer and more grounded. 

If conversations or interactions become too much, going for a walk outside or finding a quiet spot indoors to decompress can do wonders for your mental well-being. Use time alone to practice mindfulness, take deep breaths, or check in with yourself. You might try listening to a favorite song, or simply savor a moment of silence. Lentz says it can be helpful to use these pauses to think about what you are enjoying about your holiday gathering—even if it’s just the apple pie. 

5. Redirect to neutral topics

When discussions turn heated, consider more neutral subjects of conversation. “Sometimes you have to agree on topics that are safe to discuss and won’t lead to escalation,” Rizzotti explains. Bringing up favorite holiday memories, shared hobbies, or popular movies might help ease tension. This approach doesn’t mean you’re avoiding important issues; it simply prioritizes keeping the peace during an already stressful season. By bringing up a lighter topic, you may help to set the tone for a calmer holiday experience.

However, not every family member will respect redirection efforts. Remember that you don’t have to take sole responsibility for de-escalating tense conversations. You can also decide to disengage entirely. It’s okay to choose your peace over getting involved. 

6. Prioritize your mental health

The holidays are often painted as a joyful time, but for those living with mental health conditions, they can feel more overwhelming than uplifting. “Holidays are not all sparkly and shiny. They are difficult for a lot of us, and that’s okay. You don’t have to love them,” Lentz says. 

Dealing with family during the holidays is tough enough, but if you struggle with anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), or other mental health challenges, the added stress of holiday obligations and arguments can make symptoms feel more intense. Disrupted routines, heightened expectations, and family dynamics can all contribute to an increase in emotional strain. “OCD and other mental illnesses can absolutely feel more intense during the holiday season,” explains Lentz. “[Being] aware of this can help you be more proactive…rather than reactive.” 

Noting these pressures, and taking steps toward preventative care can go a long way. Consider scheduling extra therapy sessions in advance of your family gatherings. These sessions can be a great opportunity to review tools and tips for managing symptoms, address specific worries, and feel more confident in your ability to handle holiday challenges.

Family conflict and OCD

Sometimes, people with mental health conditions may find it especially difficult to navigate family disagreements or tolerate unresolved conflicts. The need to feel understood or ensure others agree can feel more intense, as differing opinions may heighten feelings of discomfort or anxiety. This is particularly true for those with OCD, a mental health condition characterized by recurrent intrusive thoughts, urges, feelings, sensations, or images (known as obsessions) that trigger compulsions (repetitive behaviors or mental acts done in an attempt to prevent a feared thing from happening). 

With OCD, intrusive thoughts combined with a sense of hyper-responsibility can amplify the urge to resolve conflicts or “keep the peace.” You might feel an urgent need to resolve disagreements immediately, especially with family or loved ones. This is because intrusive thoughts can create the belief that “I won’t be loved if we have a disagreement” or “If I offend this person and my opposing view causes harm, they won’t be okay and it will all be my fault.”

“Conflict is so hard because we can never know for sure what someone else is thinking or feeling and OCD does not like that,” shares Lentz. “There are lots of fears that can come with it: what if they don’t like me anymore? What if I’m being judged?” These fears can also make someone with OCD doubt their own thoughts and values, putting them in an uncomfortable mental position.

Those with relationship OCD (ROCD), a subtype of OCD characterized by ongoing intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors related to personal relationships, may find it especially difficult to step away from family conflicts. Even smaller-stakes arguments can feel like catastrophes when you’re navigating ROCD, so you may feel an even stronger desire to react intensely and quickly. 

The good news is there is help. For those with OCD, exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy can be particularly beneficial. ERP, a clinically proven treatment specialized for OCD, involves working with your therapist to gradually face your triggers or obsessions in a safer, more controlled way. This process can help you practice sitting with discomfort and reduce the intensity of your symptoms over time. 

For example, if intrusive thoughts mean you feel uncomfortable with conflict, ERP therapy might focus on sitting with the discomfort of not engaging. With a therapist, you might practice tolerating the anxiety that arises from leaving a tense situation unresolved. Over time, this approach can help you feel more comfortable navigating conflict, without feeling consumed by fears of judgment or questions about your own values.

Bottom Line

The holidays can be a challenging time, especially when family dynamics and differing political views come into play. Instead of trying to change others or fix every disagreement, focus on what you can control: your reactions, your peace of mind, and how you care for yourself. In doing so, you can practice strategies that build resilience and keep you feeling strong and supported all year long.