A fear of funerals is common, but can become overwhelming if connected to mental health conditions, like anxiety, depression, or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Understanding the underlying cause of your fear can help you find the right coping strategy—such as peer-support, mindfulness, behavioral activation therapy (BA), or exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy.
Death is inevitable, and can be very tough to accept—perhaps due to the uncertainty that surrounds it. Funerals, which can feel like a final acknowledgment of loss, often amplify feelings of discomfort. For many, these events trigger emotional vulnerability and force an acceptance of mortality—leading you to confront deeply personal fears.
Fear of funerals—sometimes considered a subtype of necrophobia (the fear of death)—is relatively common, and can arise from various challenges, including social discomfort, grief, or existential dread. In some cases, a fear of funerals stems from a larger mental health condition, like anxiety, depression, or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
This article will explore common reasons for fearing funerals, how to know if you’re dealing with a mental health condition, and strategies to help you cope.
What causes a fear of funerals?
There are many reasons you may feel afraid of funerals—from common existential concerns about mortality to more significant distress caused by mental health conditions. Whatever the reason, pinpointing the cause of your fear is an important step towards finding the best way to feel better. Let’s take a look at some of the common reasons people fear funerals.
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Emotional triggers
For many people, funerals are an emotional trigger because they force us to confront loss. Losing a loved one can trigger intense feelings of grief, and the idea of expressing this sadness in front of others can feel overwhelming. It’s also common to feel anxious about navigating the expectations of a funeral setting. You might worry about saying or doing something wrong, and avoid attending altogether.
Anxiety and anticipatory dread
While some people feel anxious while at a funeral, others experience anticipatory dread—worrying about the funeral long before it happens. You may find yourself anticipating your final goodbye to a loved one, worrying about your outpouring of emotions, or imagining all the ways you might accidentally act inappropriately. This anticipation can cause sleepless nights, racing thoughts, and even physical symptoms like sweating or a pounding heart.
OCD and intrusive thoughts
Sometimes, a fear of funerals is tied to obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), a mental health condition where intrusive, unwanted thoughts, images, urges, and/or sensations cause significant distress and become obsessions. In response to these upsetting thoughts, people with OCD often perform rituals or repetitive behaviors—known as compulsions. While compulsions can provide temporary relief, they ultimately reinforce the OCD cycle, making it harder to break free from fear over time.
Someone with OCD might fear they will say or do the wrong thing, which increases distress.
Mary Beth Overstreet
Mary Beth Overstreet, MA, LPC, explains how the experience of attending a funeral can trigger the OCD cycle: “Someone with OCD might fear they will say or do the wrong thing, which increases distress.” This distress often leads to avoidance, which might bring short-term relief, but reinforces the idea that funerals are frightening—and can trigger new fears. For instance, skipping the funeral might cause you to worry about how that action will be perceived, re-initiating a cycle of obsessions and compulsions.
Subtypes of OCD
For some people with OCD, fear of funerals isn’t about how they might act or what they might say—it’s tied to deeper concerns that attending could somehow lead to bad things. This fear is often connected to a subtype of OCD called magical thinking, in which people believe their thoughts or actions can influence outcomes in unrealistic ways.
Overstreet says people with magical thinking OCD may “struggle with the fear that by thinking about death at a funeral, they might cause harm to a loved one.” While this fear isn’t grounded in logic, it can feel intensely real, triggering anxiety, distress, guilt, and a desperate urge to engage in compulsions.
Existential OCD, another subtype—characterized by obsessions and compulsions that center on profound, unresolved questions about existence, spirituality and morals—can make funerals frightening, as well. If you’re navigating existential OCD, you’re more likely to get stuck ruminating on subjects related to death and the afterlife, and potentially avoid any triggering subjects or events as a result.
Depression and loss
Depression can also cause or intensify fear of funerals. If you’re feeling hopeless, disconnected or lethargic, the idea of attending an event that forces you to both face death and mingle with others can feel especially impossible. Depression can also make it hard to access the emotional energy necessary to healthily process a loss, making it even harder to navigate events where this process is taking place. In response, people navigating depression may also engage in avoidance—but this only exacerbates isolation, prolonging overall recovery.
How to overcome a fear of funerals
Fear of funerals can feel overwhelming, but identifying the cause is a first step toward finding relief—and there are many strategies that can help.
Talk about your feelings
Overstreet reminds us that it’s natural to have difficult feelings about funerals. Still, funerals—and the difficult emotions they bring—are something we can learn to navigate. If your fear of funerals isn’t all-consuming—and you don’t think it’s tied to a mental health condition—talking to loved ones can be incredibly helpful.
Chances are, you’re not alone in how you’re feeling. Finding that sense of connection can help you process your emotions more openly, so you can feel confident in your ability to handle difficult situations and fears. It’s also completely acceptable to seek guidance from a therapist, even if you haven’t been diagnosed with a mental health condition.
Practice mindfulness and ask for help
If you tend to feel anxious about funerals, mindfulness techniques can help. Deep breathing, grounding exercises, or meditation are all useful tools for managing your emotions before and during a funeral.
You can also consider asking a trusted friend to join you, or planning for breaks during the service where you’ll check in with a loved one. Mindfulness and preparation may not eliminate all your discomfort, but they can help you feel more equipped to navigate the experience with confidence and clarity.
Behavioral activation for depression
If you think your fear of funerals might be tied to depression, consider behavioral activation therapy (BA), which focuses on helping you gradually re-engage in meaningful activities to counteract avoidance, and improve your emotional well-being. For example, if your fear has made you avoid funerals entirely, behavioral activation might help you reconnect with the reasons you want to attend—like honoring someone you’ve lost, or supporting a grieving loved one. A therapist can guide you through small, manageable steps, like writing a letter to your loved one, or attending part of a service—to help you ease back into these experiences.
ERP therapy
If an anxiety disorder, or OCD, seems to be driving your fear, exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy can be very beneficial. ERP is a clinically proven approach that involves working with a trusted therapist to face intrusive thoughts and triggers in a controlled environment.
The process begins with gradual exposure to the source of your anxiety. For example, if funerals trigger fears of causing harm to loved ones, ERP might involve starting with less intense exposures, such as discussing funerals, looking at photos of cemeteries, or hearing the word “funeral.” “Small steps are key,” Overstreet explains. “You work toward tolerating that distress.”
The ultimate goal of ERP is to help you learn how to sit with the discomfort these thoughts create, rather than immediately trying to find relief, by reacting. Eventually, you’ll be encouraged to resist compulsions like avoidance, in order to learn that your thoughts and actions are not connected to the outcomes you fear. “ERP helps individuals realize they can tolerate uncertainty and reduce the safety-seeking behaviors OCD demands,” Overstreet says. Over time, this process helps ease anxiety and break the OCD cycle, giving you the strength to navigate funerals with less distress.
Find the right OCD therapist for you
All our therapists are licensed and trained in exposure and response prevention therapy (ERP), the gold standard treatment for OCD.
Bottom line
There are many different factors that can contribute to a fear of funerals, but there are also a variety of treatment options that can help. Whether your fear stems from OCD, anxiety, depression, or a more general discomfort, there is support available. At the end of the day, the goal is to feel confident and capable of attending funerals without fear, guilt, or shame. While the journey might feel daunting, it’s absolutely possible—and you have the strength to take that first step.
Key takeaways
- A fear of funerals is common and can have many causes, including emotional triggers and mental health conditions—like OCD, anxiety, or depression.
- Support is available. From talking with loved ones to engaging in mindfulness exercises, and seeking therapy, there are many ways to address your fear, no matter its cause or intensity.
- Behavioral activation therapy can help with depression-related fears, while exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy is highly effective for anxiety and OCD.
- With the right tools, you can learn to attend funerals without fear, guilt, or shame, and find peace with these challenging experiences.