It’s not usual to occasionally wonder if you’re a bad person. After all, we all make mistakes, and it can sometimes be helpful to reflect on our behaviors and value systems. However, it’s possible for these concerns to become unproductive.
A small subset of people deal with recurring, persistent, and intrusive thoughts about whether or not they are a bad person. These fears can be linked to religious or spiritual beliefs, or other ethical codes. For example, you might fear that you aren’t following such rules closely enough, or frequently worry that you’re failing to uphold your own internal values. These ideas can become all-consuming, triggering intense feelings of shame and inadequacy—and making it hard to function at all.
If this cycle sounds familiar to you, you might be dealing with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). In this article, we’ll talk about how OCD can cause fixations on themes of morality and religion, how to identify if you’re dealing with OCD, and where you can turn for help.
How does OCD work?
OCD is a mental health condition that is defined by two symptoms: obsessions and compulsions.
- Obsessions are intrusive thoughts, sensations, images, feelings, or urges that typically go against your true desires, goals, beliefs, or intentions—causing extreme distress.
- Compulsions are mental and/or physical behaviors that are done in response to obsessions, and are meant to soothe feelings of anxiety and distress. In some cases, people perform compulsions out of a desire to try to prevent a feared outcome from happening.
OCD often targets the things that we care about the most. People who experience obsessions centered around their religion or moral integrity are more likely to care deeply about these issues. This can make it very hard to push these thoughts aside. Instead, you may begin questioning what it means that you’re even having these thoughts in the first place. If you’re dealing with OCD, it’s not uncommon to ruminate on the question of whether or not you’re a bad person.
What is scrupulosity OCD?
If you’re experiencing obsessions centered on morals, religious codes and your ability to adhere to them, you may be dealing with a subtype of OCD, known as scrupulosity OCD, or religious OCD. Scrupulosity OCD typically involves intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors focused on religious codes, spiritual beliefs, or questions of morality.
For example, people with this OCD subtype often have recurring fears about sinning, making God angry, or otherwise going against their religion’s rules. However, scrupulosity can also manifest as more general fears about ethics, proper behavior, responsibility for others, or other questions relating to values—like anxieties about veganism or environmentalism.
You might also experience more anxiety about how you interact with the people and communities around you. For example, you might wonder whether the interactions that you’re having with loved ones are offensive or manipulative, or whether you’re actually a narcissist. “The core fear for people with this subtype of OCD is going to be the fear of being a bad person,” says April Kilduff, MA, LCPC, LMHC, a licensed therapist at NOCD.
Symptoms of scrupulosity OCD
For someone to be diagnosed with scrupulosity or religious OCD, they need to have obsessions and compulsions that are related to their religious, ethical, or moral codes.
These symptoms often look different from person to person. Some might fear that they are breaking the rules of their belief system without even knowing it, while others may worry that they are fundamentally evil. In general, scrupulosity OCD centers on obsessions about whether or not you are living up to every aspect of your faith or ethics at all times.
Perfectionism can also be a big theme for people navigating scrupulosity OCD. You may worry that despite trying, you’ll never be able to perfectly adhere to the moral code you want to.
Common intrusive thoughts related to scrupulosity OCD include:
- Did I do something wrong?
- Did I say something offensive during class?
- Will I be accepted by my community if I make a mistake?
- Have I disappointed God somehow?
- Am I committing a sin?
- Will God still forgive me if I make a mistake in my prayer?
- If I’m a vegan, am I a bad person for accidentally eating honey?
- Am I a bad person if I throw a recyclable item in the regular trash?
These thoughts often generate intense fear, anxiety, and discomfort since they can cause you to question whether or not you’re really the person you think, or say, you are. As a result, people navigating scrupulosity OCD may then engage in compulsions in an attempt to relieve that distress. Common compulsions can include:
- Excessive prayer or asking for forgiveness
- Excessive confession, both to religious leaders and others
- Asking partners or others for reassurance that you didn’t do anything wrong
- Mental compulsions, such as self-reassurance or self-punishment
Fears about morality can feel all-consuming, since these concerns tend to be tied to your sense of self. Kilduff says everyone with OCD deals with anxiety, but that people with the scrupulosity subtype tend to “fear such dire consequences [and] it can be especially hyperactive with moral fears.”
Some people with scrupulosity OCD may even develop concerns about the morality of the people around them, further adding to their distress, Kilduff explains. These fears can compound religious anxieties about whether you’ll reunite with loved ones in the afterlife.
Dealing with scrupulosity OCD can be extremely distressing—but, the good news is that you’re not alone, and there is hope for breaking out of the cycle.
Treatment: ERP therapy
As intense and scary as it can be, OCD is a highly treatable condition. If you believe that you may be struggling with scrupulosity OCD, exposure and response prevention therapy (ERP) can help.
ERP is a highly effective, evidence-based form of therapy specialized for all subtypes of OCD. In ERP, you’ll gradually and intentionally confront situations and worries that trigger your fear, starting at a low level and slowly working your way up. As you are exposed to uncomfortable feelings related to your OCD, you learn to better manage anxiety without engaging in compulsions.
For scrupulosity OCD, an ERP therapist might start by better defining what your moral code is, and how you can better live with confidence in your values—rather than being ruled by fear. “One of the rules of ERP is that we won’t ask people to do anything immoral,” assures Kilduff. “But…we have to understand the line of what is considered immoral based on your religious or ethical system, versus what OCD is telling you is immoral.” This might mean having a discussion about your religion or ethics, or even talking to a religious or spiritual leader, to better understand the lines that can and cannot be crossed.
From there, you’d work to engage in situations that might feel uncomfortable, so you can build tolerance to discomfort. For example, if your OCD is causing you to question whether you’re a bad person every time you make a small mistake, your therapist might encourage you to allow yourself to make small, relatively harmless errors, so you learn to survive that distress. Maybe you’d start by intentionally being a couple of minutes late to a casual social engagement. Instead of seeking reassurance from those around you that you’re not a bad person, you’d be encouraged to practice sitting with the discomfort that “mistake” brings up. In time, you’d learn to build the resilience necessary to take on bigger challenges.
ERP is highly effective when done correctly, and it can offer hope for people who are stuck in a seemingly endless cycle of questioning their worth. Still, it can be understandably scary to take the first step. Kilduff offers this advice: “Thousands, if not millions, of people have done this and gotten better.” It’s also important to remember that ERP is tailored individually to each person’s unique experiences and needs. “We’re always going to start at a low level and go gradually,” Kilduff says. “We’re not going to do the scariest thing you can think of: we’ll meet you where you’re at and help you find a good challenge zone to work in.”
Your OCD might be telling you that you’re a bad person, but this doesn’t mean that you are. ERP therapy can help you find relief.
Find the right OCD therapist for you
All our therapists are licensed and trained in exposure and response prevention therapy (ERP), the gold standard treatment for OCD.
Key Takeaways
- If you find yourself regularly dealing with intrusive, recurring thoughts about whether or not you’re a bad person, you may be dealing with OCD.
- Scrupulosity OCD is a subtype of OCD characterized by obsessions and compulsions that center on religious beliefs, ethical codes, and/or questions about moral judgments.
- People with scrupulosity OCD commonly worry about their morals and impact on others, and may engage in reassurance-seeking or self-punishment as a result.
- ERP therapy is the most effective form of treatment for OCD and its subtypes; a trained ERP therapist can help you slowly build resilience to situations that trigger your anxieties, and help you resist turning to compulsions.