It may be OCD
| If you’re having repetitive sexual thoughts or images about your children and are worried that they won’t stop, it may be a sign that you have OCD. A defining characteristic of OCD is experiencing obsessions in the form of intrusive and unwanted thoughts, images, urges or sensations. These obsessions cause a tremendous amount of distress in people. In an effort to decrease those uncomfortable feelings of distress, people will perform specific acts (compulsions), also called “safety behaviors,” because they make the person feel safe from their fears or anxiety. The challenge is that even though the person completes the safety behaviors and experiences minimal relief, those feelings come back as soon as the person is exposed to something they are afraid of again. These compulsions can be either outward physical behaviors or inward mental acts, meaning that they occur in someone’s mind; therefore, people may not notice when they are performing them. Some of those mental acts can involve reviewing certain events in a person’s mind, trying to replace “bad” thoughts with “good” ones, worrying about something in the future, or even self-reassurance. All of those mental and physical acts are done in an attempt to decrease anxiety or uncertainty. The problem is that performing those acts stops a person’s brain from learning that they are able to tolerate feelings of anxiety/fear, and that the probability of the feared outcome happening is minimal. Postpartum OCD can be a particularly disturbing theme for new parents. Parents love their children and would do whatever it takes to protect them. How does one go about protecting their child from themselves? Someone experiencing Postpartum OCD may be afraid of intrusive sexual thoughts about their child and can experience feelings of guilt and disgust because of them. These thoughts are not actually reflective of any intention or risk on the parent’s part; rather, they often fill the parent with terror and make them doubt who they are and their belief system. |
What if I’m a bad person?
| Believe it or not, the majority of parents experience unwanted sexual or violent thoughts and images related to their children, with or without OCD. Most people without OCD are able to dismiss them as random or insignificant with little or no anxiety. However, someone with OCD is likely to draw far more meaning from such intrusive thoughts and fear that having those types of thoughts enter their brain must mean something bad about them as a parent and as a person. OCD is also called the “doubting disorder” because it makes a person doubt their very morals and identity. It will even cause someone to question if they have OCD once that person has been diagnosed with it. People experiencing intrusive thoughts, images, or feelings with OCD may think “It must be true if the thoughts enter my mind over and over again, right?” The answer is no: these are intrusive thoughts, not thoughts you purposefully choose to think about, and not thoughts that reflect your actual desires, values, or intentions. OCD evokes the “fight or flight” response in your brain, which causes you to believe you are in immediate danger and must act with a compulsion. It feels that way, but that is not the case, and there is no real risk that comes from simply experiencing intrusive thoughts or urges. OCD may even cause a person to doubt their senses. Even though you know you did not, for example, touch your child inappropriately, and would never want to, OCD can make you doubt everything you see and feel, and can cast doubt on your memories of interacting with your child. All of these symptoms seem insurmountable, but there is help. |
How to treat fears about sexual thoughts
| If fears about sexual thoughts concerning your children are causing you to suffer, you can get better. The best treatment for OCD is Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy (ERP therapy). There are decades of research to support the effectiveness of ERP therapy to combat Postpartum OCD symptoms. Those who seek treatment with an OCD specialist at NOCD experience a 46% decrease in their symptoms, on average. ERP therapy is a type of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that is based on the concept that thoughts are related to feelings, which in turn influence behaviors. In OCD, a person is triggered by something, typically in the environment which causes specific feelings, such as anxiety or fear. This causes the person to perform certain acts, whether they are mental or physical, to decrease the anxious feelings or avoid a feared outcome. ERP works by exposing people to this anxiety or fear and guiding them in resisting the urge to respond with compulsions. This teaches their brain that the compulsion was not necessary or effective in addressing any real danger, and that they are able to sit with the uncertainty and anxiety they feel. Over time, this breaks the vicious cycle of OCD and often causes their anxiety to subside. This treatment can seem scary because it is all about facing your fears. People are scared to face their fears and experience anxious feelings, or whatever uncomfortable feelings are being experienced. The reality is that if you’re struggling with OCD, you’re going to be exposed to your triggers no matter what, causing discomfort and anxiety. The difference is that by doing planned, intentional exposures with a trained therapist, you can use these exposures to break the OCD cycle, rather than reinforce it. |
If you’re struggling with OCD, I encourage you to learn about NOCD’s accessible, evidence-based approach to treatment with the NOCD care team to learn how a licensed therapist can help. At NOCD, all therapists specialize in OCD and receive ERP-specific training. ERP is most effective when the therapist conducting the treatment has experience with OCD and training in ERP.
We look forward to working with you.