“What if…” These two small words can feel suffocating when you’re dealing with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), turning every unanswered question into a potential threat and every doubt into a source of intense anxiety.
Even when you’ve checked something ten times, thought through every possibility, examined a situation from every angle, and think you’ve finally found the answer you were looking for, OCD’s persistent voice tends to still whisper “but are you sure?”
Since absolute certainty is impossible to achieve, the pursuit of it is exhausting and endless. But within the OCD community, you can find many people who once felt trapped by uncertainty, but have discovered ways to live alongside it without letting it control their choices. They’ve learned that while living with uncertainty isn’t always easy, it’s possible to reach a point where doubt no longer calls the shots. Here are some of the tips that helped them get there.
Practice acceptance
“I’ve done better at handling uncertainty ever since I realized it’s really the only option. Everything in life is uncertain so I can either accept it and keep going, or I can let the uncertainty bother me to the point of panic. But either way, uncertainty is still there. Uncertainty is certain. How will you react to it?” -Anonymous OCD Conqueror
“Best thing that has helped me is accepting uncertainty, but a lot of people don’t know what that means. To actively accept means feeling the discomfort and letting it be there, but not doing anything to remove it. Focusing on the discomfort of uncertainty actually fuels it. So instead, notice it, flow with the feeling, then revert back to the present task at hand.” -Anonymous OCD Conqueror
“I handle uncertainty by accepting that some things will always be beyond my control. Each day, we live with uncertainty—never promised another heartbeat or guaranteed safe journeys to and from our destinations. Though uncertainty is a constant, I choose to face it openly, knowing that growth happens when I confront the unknown rather than avoid it.” -Egrr2LisIn
“Just accept I don’t know the answer and that’s part of life. I don’t like not knowing the answers to life, but sometimes you just have to wait and see what will happen. Sadly, you cannot control your whole life. Some parts are just going to happen or not by fate or chance. That’s how it is.” -Brooke cookie
Read more: 5 Strategies for Accepting Uncertainty
Though uncertainty is a constant, I choose to face it openly, knowing that growth happens when I confront the unknown rather than avoid it.
Egrr2LisIn
Sit with the discomfort
“Just sitting with the discomfort. That’s the best way. Some days I struggle more than others, but that is always the best way for me, even if I don’t believe it in the moment.” -OCDHelp@90
“[I remember] that compulsions have never and will never actually prevent something bad from happening. …They only make handling uncertainty MUCH more difficult.” -ScuderiaAlpha
“Being still in the discomfort. Not looking for a way out of it, just allowing discomfort to sail on through.” -EnjiGirl
Read more: Why should I sit in discomfort? A therapist’s view
Find an analogy that makes sense for you
“Using surfing analogies. I realized that every time I hit the waves, I could technically get bitten by a shark and lose a leg, but I just accept the risk of the sport and embrace being in the moment! I’m doing the same thing with OCD and it WORKS!” -roarytorii
“The initial reaction [to a Chinese finger trap] is often to pull [your] fingers outward, but this only tightens the trap. The way to escape the trap is to push the ends toward the middle, which enlarges the openings and frees the fingers. The more we try to get out of the trap (our thoughts), the more stuck we get. On the other hand, by relaxing (accepting thoughts, triggers, etc.), we can be freed.” -Anonymous NOCD Member
Try a values-based activity
“I tend to go out into nature and take long walks, either by myself, or with my dog. Even though those thoughts are with me at times when I’m out walking, I’m not going to let OCD prevent me from enjoying something I do in my free time.” -hbrown29
Read more: 4 Ways Your Values Can Help You Fight OCD
Show yourself kindness
“I try to remind myself that as humans, we tend to worry, and we try to fight uncertainty by seeking the absolute. It’s understandable. So I try not to judge myself when I do this. But I also remind myself that life is fun when we allow ambiguity in our hearts, and it’s a way to become more fearless (and even excited) when pondering the future!” -Babyblues
“I am learning how to practice giving myself trust and grace in times of uncertainty. It can feel actually impossible, but the more I let go of my impulse to control and make room for space to allow trust, the kinder uncertainty becomes.” -Skye Grace
Read more: The Importance of Self-Compassion When You Have OCD
Virtual OCD treatment that accepts insurance
Shift your perspective
“I think something to the effect of ‘I am choosing to accept this uncertainty because the alternative is not something I value. Is dwelling on uncertainty really worth my happiness? I choose to tolerate this uncertainty because it means I’m actually living my life.’” -rf3269
“[Let] go of the concept of absolutes and [welcome] the uncertainty. Uncertainty is chance, opportunity, something unknown and new, and exactly what we need to get better, to undo the framework of the mental construct we call certainty and its byproduct, OCD.” -Wolfram
“When I’m anxiously anticipating the thoughts, I try to be mindful about the distinction between excitement for an event and the anxiety about what might happen. If I decide it’s excitement for the event, then I allow myself to feel the joy of the experience. I can and deserve to feel joy, and not be bogged down with the what-ifs.” -TapDrumRoll
“I know there can’t always be a perfect decision for anything and sometimes not knowing what will happen leads to some really fun and interesting things.” -PatRyan
I can and deserve to feel joy, and not be bogged down with the what-ifs.
TapDrumRoll
Use non-engagement responses
“‘I don’t need to know right now.’ I keep saying it. ‘It’s okay to not know. It’s really okay to be uncertain sometimes.’ I also remember my therapist saying ‘I sit in uncertainty all the time.’ That was really powerful for me.” -Anonymous NOCD Member
“[I] remind myself that living in the here and now is enough and try to stay present. I like to use ‘maybe, maybe not’ on future uncertain thoughts and let them pass.” -Slicey
“‘Oh well’ and ‘I’ll handle it if it happens’ and ‘Alright, if it’s gonna happen, let’s get it over with.’” -Chelsea
“I don’t even try answering any question that my mind asks me because I know that the question is likely the OCD. I just go and move and act as if I wasn’t anxious, which puts me in situations where I get anxious, I fail, I learn, I grow. Repeat. Of course, therapy and medication are present throughout.” -Nick
“I simply acknowledge it. At first it’s scary, but I say ‘yes I am a terrible person, indeed I’m horrible, you’re right, I’m wrong, sorry for trying to prove you wrong’ and my brain…shuts up because I already told him he’s right, you know?” -Dalianegra
Read more: Effective Ways You Can Respond to Unwanted Thoughts
With proper care, you can learn to move forward in spite of uncertainty
As our community members have shown, you can learn to handle the doubt of OCD with the right treatment and support. It doesn’t have to control your life. Through exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy with a specialty-trained therapist, they’ve come to the life-changing realization that while uncertainty never completely disappears, your relationship with it can fundamentally change.
At NOCD, all of our therapists specialize in treating OCD with ERP therapy, which research consistently shows is the most effective treatment for OCD. NOCD Therapists are extensively trained by some of the world’s leading OCD experts, so they deeply understand the challenges of living with OCD and how to personalize ERP to your unique needs. They can help you develop skills for managing uncertainty and living a more fulfilling life.
Book a free 15-minute call with our team to learn more about how working with a NOCD Therapist can help you build a life led by your choices, not OCD’s doubts.