When it comes to understanding and treating mental health conditions like obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), I believe that knowledge is power. You don’t know what you don’t know, after all, so you cannot manage or treat something unless you’ve learned about it.
And after living with OCD from the time I was about 5 or 6 years old, going through treatment for it, and becoming a therapist specialized in OCD, I can say I’ve learned a few things along the way. The list could go on and on, but I’ve condensed it to 5 lessons that I see as having been the most important in helping me better understand and manage OCD.
While everyone’s experiences with OCD and what they learn from their journey will be unique and no less important, my hope is that these lessons can be helpful for your situation.
1. Life can be so much more than you could ever imagine.
OCD can make us feel so “stuck” in what we are going through at any given moment that it can be hard to see past it—to imagine a life where this condition isn’t at the center, dictating what you can and cannot do and how you should live. This can be especially true if you’re like me and have dealt with OCD since you were a child.
But I always say that seasons change because it’s something I’ve found to be true when it comes to OCD. Things will not always be “this hard.” You will not always feel the way you do at this moment. There is life beyond your struggle with OCD, and you don’t have to suffer forever. OCD is a label we give to a set of symptoms and the good news about these particular symptoms is that they can be managed and treated.
2. You are not defined by OCD.
OCD is a great storyteller. It can tell the boldest lies and make even the most outrageous things appear true or rational, even going so far as to create doubts around our fundamental beliefs, values, and who we truly are. It certainly did that for me, and many of the people I worked with in therapy had similar experiences.
Without the right treatment and support, it can be difficult to maintain the separation between our actual identities and who OCD tries to tell us we are. These intense doubts can make people hold onto inaccurate beliefs and false narratives about themselves, leading to pain and feelings of shame and guilt.
This is why it’s been so important for me to figure out who I am apart from OCD. Yes, there can be some overlap: for example, I am a sensitive and caring person by nature, and OCD amplifies that, so learning to nourish this side of me—to accept it and not chalk it up to being a character flaw—has been important for me. My experiences have taught me that things do not have to be “either-or.” Our personality traits, our OCD symptoms, everything in life falls on a continuum. I can recognize that I experience a very real mental health condition and that not everything I do or think is related to OCD. It is important to cultivate who I am as a person apart from what I go through.
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3. No one has it “all figured out”…and that’s okay.
Whether we have OCD or not, this is a lesson we all need to learn. It can become easy to get caught up in the belief that some people have it “all together.” Not only is “having it all together” impossible, but the belief that it is can keep you from living as the happiest and most fulfilled version of yourself.
This need to have it “all figured out” may stem from the fact that individuals with OCD tend to struggle with the unknown or uncertain. They want to predict, prepare, and protect, so any possibility of not knowing for sure or being 100% prepared can feel too anxiety-provoking to tolerate.
The truth is, there are so many unknowns, so many things we do not see coming because we simply can’t. Life is anything but predictable and OCD preys on this; it wants you to spend all of your time “stuck” in the endless pursuit of answers. This keeps you from focusing on what’s important to you.
You can live day by day and not need to figure it all out. You do not have to be on high alert trying to anticipate what will come next. Sometimes no amount of preparation, thought, or action can stop something bad from happening. But even when the unexpected occurs, you can and will find the strength to get through it.
4. Control is a myth.
If you live with OCD it will probably come as no shock to hear that this condition commonly makes people want to feel like they’re in control. In fact, it might be something you’ve experienced yourself. You might, like me, struggle with hyper-responsibility.
This extreme sense of responsibility can make it feel like we’re carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders. As the possible repercussions of not acting in a particular scenario flash through our minds, we can end up feeling intense guilt and a sense of obligation to prevent them, even if it means doing something completely unrelated to what we’re worried about. This belief that our ideas, thoughts, actions, or other things can impact the world around us is known as “magical thinking.”
It’s been important for me to realize that control—or at least the type of control that OCD wants us to chase after is—is an illusion. There is, however, one thing we can control: how we respond to our thoughts. This is why accepting uncertainty will be one of the most important things you can do in your journey of learning to manage OCD.
5. Anxiety will not kill me.
I don’t enjoy feeling anxious and honestly, I have yet to meet anyone who does. Yet most of us understand that anxiety can serve a purpose. When it’s triggered in an appropriate situation, it can alert us to danger or a threat and lead us towards actions that protect ourselves and our loved ones. Unfortunately, when you have OCD, your brain’s “alarm system” can run wild.
Once we realize this, though, we have the opportunity to identify the “false alarm.” Anxiety is just one emotion on a huge spectrum and though it may feel very real, we can tolerate it, and even change our relationship with it. By allowing anxiety to exist, we can teach ourselves that we’re able to move through it and keep living our lives in spite of uncomfortable feelings. The more we do this, the less often anxiety shows up when it’s not warranted.
Building tolerance for distress and anxiety lies at the heart of exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy, the gold standard in OCD treatment. This form of therapy was developed specifically to treat OCD and is the most successful treatment. It’s helped thousands of people take their lives back from this condition, myself being one of them. I’ve been where you might be right now, and I know how overwhelming OCD can feel. I also know that things can get so much better when you seek out proper care for OCD.
Our team at NOCD is here for you, and we can help you on your path to breaking free from OCD’s grip. You can book a free 15-minute call with our team to get matched with an OCD specialist and get started with treatment.