I think it’s fair to say that many can relate to the holidays being both a time of joy—and stress. We pin so much on this multi-week period of merry-making that things are almost bound to go awry from time to time. There are just so many unknowns! It’s bound to make even the most stoic among us feel a little anxious at times.
What if a special dish we’ve prepared doesn’t turn out as we’d hoped? What if a heated political discussion erupts at the dinner table? What if that gift we put so much thought into isn’t received the way we’d planned?
These kinds of worries can feel complicated to face. In addition to the usual seasonal stressors of planning, preparing, and shopping for last-minute gifts, you could find yourself stuck in a vicious cycle of fears, concerns, and difficult emotions if things go differently than you had hoped.
The good news? There are things you can do in the lead-up and during the holiday season to take care of your mental health! By making it a priority to manage your stress levels, you can be better equipped to enjoy being around the people you love and who love you back.
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Remember that anxiety can feed on uncertainty
As mentioned above, the lead-up to the holidays tends to cause many people’s anxiety to spike. Our bodies can tell that a lot of things are about to happen, and that these changes come with a fair amount of uncertainty. That’s because as humans, we try to anticipate exactly what may or may not occur at any given moment. Our brains are more primed to seek out what could go wrong than right, no matter what is happening in our lives.
Earlier in human history, that sort of fretting played a role in keeping our ancestors alive. Nowadays, being incredibly good at imagining all kinds of plausible and not-so-plausible possibilities means that we’re actually not that great at predicting future events. There’s an upside to this, however. Recognizing how your anticipatory thoughts are evolving can be a crucial part of managing your anxiety around the holidays. So, how exactly do you do that?
Well, there are a variety of ways to keep a couple of steps ahead of your mental health during this potentially stressful time. One of the simplest is using self-monitoring tools in the days or weeks leading up to the holidays.
Take a few moments throughout your day to pause and reflect on your thinking. If you notice you’ve been having a lot of stressful or anxious thoughts, ask yourself what mood these thoughts caused you to fall into? Additionally, what kind of distorted future was anticipated in the midst of those thoughts? The self-monitoring that these questions are guiding you to do can help you build an awareness of your thoughts. With greater awareness, you can gain perspective about what concerns are sticking around in your mind.
From here, you can use this awareness to better employ your skills such as talking back to your unwanted thoughts:
“Hey, that thought is coming from my anxiety—my attention isn’t needed there.”
This self-monitoring technique can also help you recognize when you might be catastrophizing about a future moment. When you notice this is happening, you can recenter yourself, setting your focus back on the present moment and the tasks that genuinely need your attention.
When it comes to anticipatory anxiety, a best practice is to try to remain present and find peace in the now, rather than keeping your focus on the fear of what may or may not lie ahead.
Know your limits and strengths
Something else to be conscious of is the amount of new or unfamiliar stimuli you may face during the holidays: The amount of energy you’re expending, interactions, sounds, smells, later bedtimes—anything that isn’t a part of your typical routine or isn’t what you’re accustomed to.
If you’re more familiar with early bedtimes and peaceful evenings and then find yourself at holiday parties three days in a row, eating food you don’t normally eat, staying up late, and talking with more people than you’ve spoken to in a month, your body and brain are facing more stimulation than they’re familiar with.
This stimulation isn’t necessarily a bad thing! As human beings, it’s good for us to have variety in our lives; it helps keep us from becoming rigid and guarded against new experiences. But as you may already know, anxiety can seize these moments when we’re a bit off-kilter as opportunities to grasp our focus. So, how do we navigate this unfamiliar territory? By knowing our limits and our strengths.
While feelings of distress and anxiety can seem like things for us to fear at first, they can actually become a powerful tool. Once you gain an awareness of how you can reimagine these feelings, you can use them to your advantage during the often stressful holiday season.
For instance, let’s say you’ve had a long day at work and now you’re off to spend time with friends at a party, and you can tell your stress level is somewhat elevated. Acknowledging that signal your body is giving you and reflecting on what it means for your limits can help you employ your strengths.
Maybe you would gauge your stress level as being at a two on a scale of ten, but you know you can handle a stress level of seven out of ten. This means you have plenty of runway and are not up against a threat. Yes, you’re feeling some stress, but with the use of your coping skills and communicating your needs to your support system, you may find that you can either maintain that stress level, decrease it, or, at minimum, remain aware of it so you’re ready to make appropriate choices if it escalates.
Setting boundaries that challenge you to try new things and knowing when to rest and reset is a massive asset in times of stress and change. By recognizing your stress as a barometer and not a threat, you can give yourself room to be creative and flexible in the ways that you respond to holiday stress.
Holiday presence
Lastly, trying your best to be present in the moments occurring around you is an excellent mindfulness skill. When we live in our minds, we live in a world colored by our thoughts at that particular moment. When we choose to acquaint ourselves with the world around us, we give ourselves an incredible gift: the opportunity to learn new things, feel moved by our experiences, and to allow beautiful moments to occur.
Remaining attached to the narration in your mind won’t get you any closer to knowing with certainty if the holidays will be perfect or not. Leaning into this uncertainty can be freeing—it’s the equivalent of being present in each moment. Notice how your loved ones laugh, take in the smells that bring you joy, get curious about a conversation going on nearby. There’s so much more to give our attention to. Allow yourself to be curious about it all. You could come away from this holiday season with some beautiful memories.
Along with these tips and thoughts, it’s important to remember that perfection is not an option—and that there’s so much freedom in letting go of that standard. Instead, aim for a goal that’s more beneficial: keeping up your efforts and being willing to try. And, most importantly, be kind to yourself as you practice these skills. Every moment is a new chance to try again. With warmth, we hope you have an enjoyable and kind holiday season.
About NOCD
NOCD provides effective, affordable, and convenient therapy for obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), a mental health condition characterized by the presence of repetitive and unwanted thoughts, images, or urges, known as intrusive thoughts, and compulsions, mental or physical actions performed to relieve distress. Our licensed therapists specialize in exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy, the gold-standard treatment for OCD, and we provide support between sessions, when it’s needed most.
Because we’re committed to providing the OCD community with highly personalized care, NOCD Therapists can also treat members of the OCD community who are experiencing other mental health conditions alongside OCD, including mood disorders, anxiety disorders, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).
If you’re struggling with OCD and symptoms of any of these co-occurring conditions, we can help. You can book a free 15-minute call with our team to learn more about starting treatment with NOCD. On your call, we can answer any questions you might have about treatment for OCD and co-occurring conditions and help you get matched with a NOCD Therapist who’s trained to provide the treatment you need.
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