How Do I Move Forward From The Guilt of Not Doing Compulsions?

Guilt might be one of the most prominent emotions expressed by people with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). While we often hear about guilt being caused by the uncomfortable thoughts, images, or urges of OCD, that isn’t the only time when people can experience it. Resisting the urge to do compulsions can also lead to guilt—which can be frustrating, because this is an important part of recovery.

It starts with an unwanted or disturbing intrusive thought. If you have OCD, thoughts like these can feel incredibly real and threatening. Faced with this perceived threat, “what-ifs” can begin to run through your mind. This fear and uncertainty can make compulsions seem urgent, and resisting them may even feel irresponsible.

But no matter what OCD might try to tell us, we don’t have to be controlled by guilt. To help you see through OCD’s false alarms and keep moving forward, here are some tips to keep in mind if you feel guilty for choosing to not engage in compulsions.

1. Challenge the feeling of guilt.

You may have heard that challenging intrusive thoughts is counterproductive when you have OCD—and that would be correct. However, there’s a difference between challenging a thought and challenging a feeling. Through questioning the validity of the guilt you may be feeling in response to a particular thought, you can remind yourself (in a non-reassurance-seeking manner) that guilt is often a by-product of OCD.

Ask yourself, “Am I feeling guilty because of a thought or obsession, or because I chose not to do a compulsion in response to it?” If the answer is yes, then it can be useful to remind yourself that this is how OCD works. The thoughts that make people with OCD feel guilty for resisting compulsions are neither useful nor are they accurate reflections of reality. Remember that just because OCD might try to make you feel a certain way, that doesn’t make it any more true.

2. Understand the “why” behind the compulsion.

If you’re feeling guilty for not doing compulsions, it is fundamental to understand that compulsions are part of the OCD cycle. The urge to engage in compulsive behavior is caused by intrusive thoughts and the distress that they can create. To someone with OCD, this distress can feel impossible to tolerate, which is why they may turn to compulsions in an attempt to alleviate their discomfort.

The issue is that compulsions only provide temporary relief—and make matters worse by telling our brains that the “threat” of an intrusive thought was real. This creates an endless loop that only continues the suffering of OCD.

When we finally take a stand and refuse to engage in rituals or compulsions, we stop the cycle. We give up the temporary feelings of safety and certainty that we crave, but we exchange them for long-term freedom and well-being. And by doing this over and over again, we build up our strength to fight OCD. We gain the ability to stop the pattern that has led to so much turmoil in our lives. There’s no doubt that it can feel difficult, but it’s one of the most important steps of recovery.

3. Give yourself grace and compassion.

When we’re overwhelmed by guilt, it can be difficult to see things clearly. We may feel as though we deserve our guilt, or that we’ve somehow done something bad by not doing a compulsion. In these moments, it can be helpful to remind ourselves that overcoming guilty feelings is a process. It doesn’t happen overnight.

Remember that a successful recovery process is determined by the sum of our actions and our choice to keep trying, not by the slip-ups we might go through along the way. Nobody can resist compulsions 100% of the time—or at least I haven’t met anyone who could. And that’s okay. The goal here isn’t to achieve perfection; it’s to push yourself. The idea is that you’ll choose not to perform a compulsion as often as you can and allow all of the feelings, including guilt, that might arise from that choice.

Will it be hard? Absolutely. But it will be so worth it. And the good news is, the more you do it, the easier it gets. The more you allow those feelings of guilt to hang out and be present, while refusing to give them meaning or attach value to them, the less they tend to show up.

4. Seek out support.

If we feel all alone in a struggle, it can be harder to continue with what we know is in our best interest. When we are actively trying not to perform compulsions and feeling intense guilt on our own, we might be tempted to give in to the urge, to do the compulsion “just this one time.” This is why the importance of a support system cannot be overemphasized.

Having an effective support system in place can help us feel less isolated and alone, which can motivate us to keep pushing back against OCD. Your support system can involve family, friends, professionals, and even support groups—anyone you trust to provide a sounding board for your experiences. These trusted individuals can help reel us in when we require more balance, or talk us down when our anxiety feels like it’s at an all-time high.

5. Celebrate seemingly small victories.

Even if—especially if—it feels guilt-ridden at first, you need to resist the urge to do the compulsion. Remember that thoughts are just thoughts, and that feelings do not need to have meaning attached to them. Remember that you can tolerate even the most uncomfortable of feelings. You do not have to engage in a compulsion to get through discomfort. The feelings can just pass, all on their own.

When you have allowed them to pass, no matter how inconsequential it may feel, remember that it is not. Give yourself credit for taking a wonderful and amazing step in the right direction: the direction that leads to recovery from OCD. You have been dealing with a persistent and tormenting condition, but now you’re facing it head-on. That will always be something to celebrate.

6. Find a therapist who specializes in OCD.

Perhaps the best advice I could give someone with OCD who’s struggling with feelings of guilt would be to talk to a therapist who specializes in OCD. As someone who’s worked with an OCD specialist myself, I’ve seen firsthand how impactful their expertise can be. In treatment with my therapist, I learned how OCD works and gained tools that I could use to take its power away. This changed everything for me.

If you’re looking for a true OCD specialist, you’ll want to confirm that your therapist has completed comprehensive specialized training in OCD. Some providers may claim to specialize in OCD without having this training (which can lead to ineffective care), so it’s an important distinction to make.

A therapist who’s been trained to deeply understand the nuances of OCD will be able to empathize with your feelings and help you work through them. They’ll be familiar with OCD’s many different physical and mental compulsions, and will know how to build a personalized treatment plan for the ones you experience. They’ll also know what treatment is considered to be the gold standard for OCD: exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy.

At NOCD, every one of our licensed therapists goes through in-depth specialized training in the intricacies of OCD and ERP therapy before ever seeing our members. We work side-by-side with the OCD experts and researchers who designed some of the world’s top OCD treatment programs—which means the best care for our members.

To learn more about NOCD Therapy, please book a free 15-minute call with our team. On your call, we can answer any questions you may have and help match you with a licensed OCD specialist.