As a therapist specializing in obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), parents often ask me “What should I tell other family members?” As a mother to two children with OCD who’s also living with OCD myself, I understand where they’re coming from. I think it’s natural to want to help those closest to our kids—like grandparents, aunts, uncles, or cousins—understand what OCD is, how it affects them, and how they can provide the right kind of support.
That said, I know figuring out how to approach these conversations isn’t always easy. The thought of discussing your child’s OCD can feel deeply personal, and may bring up additional questions: How much should you share, and with whom? How do you make sure your child’s needs and comfort come first?
Having guided many families through these sensitive discussions, I know that the answers to these questions are unique to each family. Let’s look at a few strategies approaching these conversations thoughtfully, setting boundaries that work for your family, and communicating your child’s needs effectively, with tips on how a therapist can help you along the way.
1. Learn more about OCD for yourself.
Helping extended family members understand OCD starts with educating yourself. While it’s impossible to know everything, as each child’s experience will be unique due to OCD’s wide variety of symptoms and subtypes, there are many commonalities in how the condition presents that can help you recognize OCD-related behaviors in your child.
As you grow in your understanding of OCD, you’ll also be in a better position to educate extended family members. When you’re able to clearly explain the basics of how OCD works and what your child is experiencing, family members may be more likely to feel empathy and offer helpful support.
Crucially, this education can also help you develop consistency in how extended family members interact with and handle your child’s OCD symptoms. This can be especially helpful when it comes to avoiding family accommodation and not providing reassurance.
2. Encourage open dialogue.
Open, honest communication can be incredibly helpful as you navigate these conversations. Start by checking in with your child to understand their comfort level with sharing details about their OCD. Every child will have different boundaries, and that’s okay. Begin with what your child feels comfortable with you sharing, and use that as a starting point for conversations with family.
As another part of maintaining an open dialogue, you may want to invite family members to ask questions. Let them know that your goal is to create an understanding environment where everyone feels confident that they can respond to your child’s needs in supportive and consistent ways. When they know how to recognize and respond to OCD, it can be helpful for everyone involved, especially your child.
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3. Support the person, not the condition.
It’s essential for family members to see your child as a whole person, not just through the lens of their OCD. OCD symptoms may take up a great deal of time and energy, and sometimes it can be hard to see past them, but reminding family that your child is more than their condition can help keep the focus on what matters. You want to foster an understanding that, while OCD is a serious condition that comes with real challenges, it doesn’t define who your child is. We always want to advocate for the individual behind the condition.
Helping family members understand the “why” behind certain OCD-related behaviors can also encourage them to respond appropriately, and not engage in actions that may unintentionally reinforce OCD, like going along with compulsions in an attempt to ease a child’s distress. It may take time and patience for them to learn that the best way to support your child isn’t by offering temporary, short-term comfort—it’s by standing firm and resisting the urge to “help” in ways that fuel OCD.
4. Provide resources and tools.
Sharing resources can go a long way in building understanding. Often, hearing similar information from multiple sources can help family members better grasp what OCD is and why their response to your child’s symptoms matters. People tend to remember what they hear consistently, so providing articles, books, or videos about OCD from trusted sources can reinforce the key messages you’ve shared.
Please don’t be discouraged if family members are slow to understand or even resistant at first—it’s not uncommon for people to misunderstand OCD, and it can take some time to break down any misconceptions they may have about it. You may want to find creative ways to introduce this information, like recommending a film or sharing a personal story that illustrates your child’s experience. Working with an OCD-specialty therapist who’s trained to treat children and teens can also be helpful here, as they will likely be able to point you to specific, science-backed resources to share with family members.
At NOCD, every one of our therapists is specialty-trained to treat OCD in children, teens, and adults with exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy, the most effective treatment for OCD, by world-renowned experts. This rigorous training ensures that our therapists truly understand OCD at all life stages from childhood through adulthood, because different age groups have different treatment needs. We also offer dozens of support groups for our members at no additional cost, including support group sessions designed for parents, caregivers, and loved ones that teach effective ways to support a child as they work to manage their symptoms.
If you’d like to learn more about working with a NOCD Therapist who can help your child take the power away from OCD, please schedule a free 15-minute call with our team. They can help answer your questions about treatment, walk you through the process of getting started, and match your child with the right specialty-trained therapist for their needs.