You’re in what seems to be a good relationship with someone you love, when suddenly you start having dreams about cheating. While some people file these unwanted dreams in the “interesting but essentially meaningless” file, quickly moving on with their lives, others are more prone to analyze their dreams, look for the hidden meaning in them, and possibly even obsess over their dreams.
Let’s dive into what your dreams about cheating could mean—and what you can do if they’re keeping you up at night and causing discomfort or distress.
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What do dreams about cheating mean?
If you’re looking to find meaning and clarity about your dreams, you’re not alone. There are countless books, articles, and social media threads dedicated to analyzing dreams. Some people even go so far as to keep personal dream interpreters on speed dial. Yet, dream analysis is not an exact science.
Depending on which interpreter, therapist, or dream analyst you ask, you might hear a myriad of possible explanations for your dreams about cheating, including the following:
- You could have insecurities about yourself or your relationship
- You might have a fear of your partner leaving you or cheating on you
- You might be harboring a desire to have an affair
- There might be recent conflicts in the relationship
- You may feel emotionally and/or sexually unsatisfied in the relationship
- There’s a previous history of cheating in the relationship
This is not an exhaustive list, as cheating in dreams could have several other meanings. And more importantly, if nothing on this list resonates, there’s a simple reason for that: Sometimes dreams mean nothing at all.
Bottom line: There’s no concrete evidence that dreams about cheating—or any themes—signal anything specific. They might not mean anything, or they might be a space to understand and work through emotions in a low-risk environment.
Is it normal to have dreams about cheating?
If you’re having dreams about you or your partner stepping out of the relationship, you may question if this is something normal to experience. According to Patrick McGrath, PhD, Chief Clinical Officer at NOCD, many people have dreams of unfaithfulness. “Weird things happen in dreams—that’s just the way it goes.”
In fact, a 2023 study by Amerisleep revealed that out of 1,000 people surveyed, 21% had dreams in the past year about cheating on their partner, and 23% had dreams about their partner cheating on them. That said, it’s probably safe to say that dreams about cheating are pretty common.
Why do some people find dreams disturbing and others don’t?
As mentioned, dreams about cheating—or any dream for that matter—are typically something most people can brush off. However, others tend to ruminate on these dreams, looking for an underlying meaning behind them—which can ultimately lead to a lot of stress and anxiety.
Some people even go so far as to resent their sleep and ability to dream in the first place. “We don’t want to blame the dream for the distress,” notes Dr. McGrath. “It’s the way people react to the dream that causes distress.”
And while you certainly may feel distress over your dreams about cheating without a specific underlying mental health issue, there are a couple of conditions that could be playing a role.
Take post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), for instance. PTSD occurs after experiencing a traumatic event. Sometimes, people experience this anxiety disorder after finding out a loved one has been unfaithful. In that case, it’s possible to carry the trauma into future relationships (or your current one, if you stayed together)—and even into your dream life.
Another condition that may spur on a particular fixation around dreams about cheating is obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)—and in particular a subtype of OCD called relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a chronic mental health condition where a person’s intrusive thoughts and fears (their obsessions) center around their partner or their relationship; they often question every aspect of their coupledom because they want to ensure that their relationship is secure. Their obsessions tend to be highly distressing, leading to compulsive behaviors aimed at reducing anxiety and preventing an unwanted outcome (for instance, constantly looking for reassurance that their partner isn’t cheating on them). If someone is spending so much of their waking life trapped in the ROCD cycle, echoes of their obsessions, anxieties, and compulsions can show up when they’re asleep—hence the recurring dreams about cheating.
When it comes to dreams about cheating, ROCD can make you question if these dreams are telltale signs that something’s wrong with your relationship–but the truth is that these dreams can arrive even when a relationship is going well. Likewise, some people worry that if they’re the one cheating in the dream, it must mean that they’re a bad person. But obsessions in OCD are ego-dystonic—meaning that the thoughts are not in line with who you are or what you believe.
It’s worth emphasizing: OCD doesn’t directly cause dreams about cheating, although it can affect the way you interpret those dreams. “People with OCD blame themselves because they’ll have the dream and wonder, ‘What did it mean? Why did I have it? Did I want to have it? Is it my fault that I had it?’” says Dr. McGrath. “If there’s a way to blame yourself for something, OCD will always find a way to do it.”
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How to deal with cheating dreams
If you’re having recurring dreams about cheating, there are a few things you can do to handle them, including:
- Address your fears: Do you have specific fears about your relationship? If so, consider writing them down in a journal to acknowledge them to yourself—so you can begin to work through them.
- Practice stress-management techniques: Stress can often transfer into your dreams—possibly leading to nightmares about cheating. If you notice that your dreams about cheating tend to happen during periods of high stress, work on keeping stress in check. What works for everyone is different, but mindfulness, such as meditation, yoga, or deep breathing, goes a long way for many people.
- Reach out to a therapist: If these dreams about cheating disturb your life, consider talking to a mental health professional. A therapist can help you navigate the conflicts you might be dealing with in your subconscious mind. That’s particularly important for an underlying issue like PTSD that could be affecting your dreams.
If you suspect that you’re dealing with ROCD, your best bet is to reach out to someone who is trained in exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy, as ERP was specifically designed to treat OCD symptoms. This specialized therapy is supported by decades of research and has been found to be the most effective treatment for all forms of OCD.
A typical ERP session starts with your therapist gradually and carefully exposing you to your triggers—such as your cheating dreams. “I might ask someone to write out the themes of the dream and then maybe make a loop tape of it and have them listen to it over and over again,” says Dr. McGrath. It might sound scary to expose yourself to your triggers in this way, but doing so is actually what breaks the OCD cycle of obsessions and compulsions. Plus, you’ll be doing this with the support of a licensed therapist, so you’ll never feel alone.
Your ERP therapist will teach you response prevention techniques, which are strategies that help you refrain from doing compulsions in response to your obsessions. “You’ll learn that you can handle whatever is in the dreams and that you don’t have to run away from them,” says Dr. McGrath.
The takeaway
Although some people don’t take their dreams seriously, for others, dreams about cheating can cause significant fear and anxiety. If dreams of unfaithfulness are taking a toll on your mental health, there’s no shame in reaching out to a licensed mental health professional for help.
