Sometimes, being the parent or caregiver of a child with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) can feel like navigating uncharted waters. You may find yourself facing challenges that you never anticipated, trying to understand a condition that’s often misunderstood even by professionals.
To complicate matters further, children with OCD often struggle to understand what they’re feeling or why they may feel the urge to engage in compulsions. They may have difficulties putting their experiences into words. This can leave you, as their parent or caregiver, unsure of how to differentiate between standard childhood behaviors and those that might be related to OCD—and unsure of how to help.
If this is sounding familiar, please know you’re not alone. By breaking down some of the most common struggles among parents and caregivers of children with OCD, we hope to show that many people can relate to how you’re feeling, and that there are resources, treatment, and support available for you and your child.
The most common struggles for parents and caregivers of children with OCD
1. Stress and overwhelm
One of the most common experiences of parents and caregivers of children with OCD is a sense of overwhelm, which often sets in long before their child’s OCD is even diagnosed. Caregivers may look back—sometimes over years—on behaviors they may have seen as “odd” or “unusual” and realize that they were connected to OCD. At the time, though, they may have just felt frustrated and confused about what was going on with their child.
This time in which their child’s OCD went unrecognized and untreated can lead to feelings of immense guilt. A parent or caregiver might end up constantly worrying about the well-being of their child, which can take a toll on their own health by leaving them emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. These feelings can build up over time and for some, may lead to a sense of parental burnout.
2. OCD stigma and misunderstanding
It’s frustrating when others question your parenting skills or dismiss your child’s struggles as mere “quirks” due to their own misunderstandings of OCD or the negative stigma around it—as you’re probably aware if you’ve ever experienced it. It can put you in a position where you feel like you’re constantly having to defend and explain yourself to others, which can lead to feelings of isolation and self-doubt.
But know this: your child’s OCD is not a reflection of your effectiveness as a parent. The challenges you’re facing are real and seeking support to help you through them is a sign of strength, not weakness.
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3. Feeling out of control
As parents and caregivers, we often want to teach our children that the world is safe and predictable—even though we know that sometimes, it isn’t. Our intentions are good: we want to give our children a safe and secure space to grow and build skills that will assist them in coping with the world, despite its unpredictable nature. Unfortunately, OCD can throw a wrench in the works.
OCD latches onto uncertainty, and can lead children to seek constant reassurance, confess every thought, or search for answers to unanswerable questions. Our desire to comfort or reassure them may at times conflict with the need for us to avoid feeding OCD, which can leave us at a loss for words or ways that we feel we can adequately help. This can be frustrating for everyone involved. It can also increase feelings of a loss of control—which, particularly for the parent or caregiver, can be stressful.
4. Identifying OCD symptoms
OCD is complex, and its wide variety of different manifestations can make it challenging for parents and caregivers to understand. You might find yourself spending countless hours researching, seeking answers, and trying to make sense of your child’s experiences, or identify what is and isn’t OCD-related behavior.
And since it’s so common for OCD to be misunderstood or misdiagnosed, you may realize that you’ve been misinformed about the condition and what it truly entails. This frustrating combination of complexity and misunderstanding can make identifying triggers, symptoms, and behaviors related to OCD a formidable task.
5. Finding balance
Finding the balance between managing a child’s OCD and living life as a family can be a difficult adjustment. Between homework time, music lessons, sports team practices and other activities, your schedule might already feel like it’s bursting at the seams.
Add in therapy appointments, medication management, and addressing OCD behaviors at home, and things can become overwhelming. Meeting the needs of your child with OCD and those of other family members—not to mention your own needs—can be a balancing act that leaves you feeling stretched impossibly thin.
While these challenges may seem daunting, remember that countless parents have walked this path before you, and many are walking it alongside you right now. The struggles you face don’t define you, your child, or your family’s story.
What parents and caregivers can do to cope with a child’s OCD
If things feel difficult right now, know that they don’t have to stay that way. There are steps you can take to support your child and maintain your own well-being in the face of OCD. Here are a few:
1. Seek support
This can be from other parents and caregivers, professionals, and even support groups. Finding connection through others who can understand the journey you and your child are on will be a vital part of successfully helping your child manage this disorder.
Loved ones of people with OCD, particularly other parents and caregivers, can provide a sense of understanding and empathy that may be difficult to find elsewhere. These connections can also offer helpful insights and coping strategies that you may not have discovered on your own.
2. Learn about OCD
When you, as the parent or caregiver, understand OCD, you are far more equipped to help your child to understand this disorder, so it’s worth taking some time to do research. Familiarize yourself with important topics like common OCD symptoms in children, the OCD cycle, and how to find treatment for a child with OCD.
Your support for your child can become far more effective when you’re providing it in a way that accounts for how OCD works. This can include not providing reassurance in response to compulsive reassurance-seeking and avoiding family accommodation.
3. Show yourself compassion, as well as your child
Patience, understanding, and self-compassion will go a long way, for both you and your child. Try not to internalize feelings of inadequacy or believe that your child’s OCD symptoms are in any way a reflection of your parenting abilities.
Sadly, children with OCD tend to be incredibly hard on themselves, so they likely feel twice the guilt, shame, and sadness that you feel. Empowering your child to treat themselves with warmth and understanding can make an incredible difference in helping them navigate the challenges of OCD—and by modeling self-compassion for your child, you can strengthen your ability to show it to yourself.
4. Prioritize your own self-care
You cannot pour from an empty cup. You will be far more helpful to your child if you are doing okay physically and mentally—so as cliché as it may sound, try to make a habit of practicing self-care and relaxation skills yourself.
Whether you want to involve your child or simply do them on your own, self-care activities can be crucial for your well-being. Prioritize yourself by ensuring that you are continuing to engage in activities that you enjoy, practicing good sleep hygiene, exercising, eating nourishing foods, and seeking out your own mental health care as needed.
5. Find your child proper treatment
Seek out evidence-based treatment, participate in the treatment with your child, and become their partner in conquering OCD. Help your child see that they don’t have to fight this fight alone because you will always be by their side, advocating for them and picking them up when things feel too heavy.
Ensure that they have a treatment provider who truly understands OCD. Unfortunately, not everyone who says they treat OCD is truly knowledgeable about this disorder, so you’ll want to seek out a therapist who’s received specialized training in OCD and exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy. ERP is a form of therapy that was created specifically to treat OCD and is considered the gold-standard treatment.
At NOCD, all of our licensed therapists deeply understand OCD, are specialty-trained in treating OCD with ERP, and receive specific training in treating children and adolescents. We work side-by-side with the OCD experts and researchers who designed some of the world’s top OCD treatment programs, ensuring the best care for our members.
Remember that your child is not their OCD, and getting better is possible. To learn more about how NOCD Therapy can help your child, book a free 15-minute call with our team.